Evacuation from full self destruct mode

Sleeping is not a decision I make lightly. I would much rather stay awake, even if I have little direction. Usually I will wait until I realise I am sleeping, then put away my book, or lap top, and go back to sleep. Last night it was around 4am when I reluctantly went to sleep, not the best when I had to be up at 6am to take friends to the airport. It made for a non enthused day, so not the best for energy appreciation. I spent the earlier part of my day in cafe, before going on court to coach. Coaching time frame went fast with some sessions as always more stimulating than others. During that time I was alerted to the idea of challenging my perception of reality. The concept of existing in a dimension where my life manager is right beside me, watching, proding, or sighing in my ear. Challenged to not eat when I was hungry because the only options available to me were junk food. Once again I failed the challenge. I chose to ignore. This tells me I am not taking my metaphysics seriously enough. I am not truly truly deeply accepting I have a real life manager, and that they are right beside me all the time, and that it is their voice I hear. For this I am on the verge of dissapointment in myself, but instead I will invest time to truly contemplate this reality, and make a strong investment of will to change my belief to the point that action will dominate in favour of me listening next time and improving my relationship.