Going forward or round in a circle..what's it going to be?

Today I had the opportunity to borrow money from my wife to get back into currency trading and attempt to do what I have done before and get ahead. Now I would dearly love to be successful at this endeavour, however, am I being tested? I think so. This is a straight up clean clear example of will I take the opportunity to go straight ahead down this path and expand my current reality, or will I turn right and go for the true path, by rejecting the offer, and staying focused on my goal. My goal is to understand the creative process so that money will manifest itself around me in abundant quantities. It is not to make money myself, but to have a reactionary universe be an abundance of energy. For this to happen, I need to be my true self. Removed from the state run personality, and back to being enthusiasm, excitment, fun, laughter. This is who I am. As I am so I will experience. Without desires the energy will manifest as money in abundant quantities because I am an infinite source of energy. All I have to do is be in flow, in the one direction. If I am successful at trading, the ego enjoys the success. If I am unsuccessful the energy level of my soul is very very low. The idea is to engage in activities that stimulate my soul, not my ego. So laughing a lot. Planning so as to initiate excitment. Now this is interesting. If planning is for something for the ego, there is no passion for it. If it is to make another soul feel great, then there is a great deal of energy in the idea of it for my soul. When the Ego sets goals, it has no capacity to create them, so it is a negative situation, and becomes negative to my soul when it steals from my soul to try to create, such as it steals experiencing time by making the body work. If the ego tries to create a goal and is unsuccessful, the soul suffers, because the soul is experiencing through the personality/ego. So it seems the soul may be able to gain from the ego's sense of success, but this is very limited, and short term, because as soon as the ego has exhausted it's list of other egos to sound off to, it then has to go off and repeat the process to be successful again. When the soul does simplistic things to generate feelings, without an intention or alteria motive attached, then the reactionary energy will reflect that energy back. What is laughter when it is reflected? Situations that make me laugh. What is excitment? Things that make me excited. OK, lets make a list of all of the experiences of feelings that I want to experience of myself. Appreciation, excitment, laughter, romance (without the intention of receiving behind it) , giving (without an intention of receiving back). Success is an interesting one, this has intention in it before I gain it. So much so that when I gain it, the energy from it is very short lived. Success is denoted by my interaction of competition by comparing myself to others if I have a point of differential....a bigger tv, or newer car, or newer house or newer job, or better job etc. Usually it is more the latest news that is the one that catches the energy. This is a singular energy extraction/reaction line, not a self perpetuating method of energy production/reaction. By acting in a way to ensure I laugh, the reactionary field reflects this back and produces an experience of laughter for me to experience. If I involve someone else, and I am directly involved in their gain, I will interact in their circle of experience when the reactionary field reflects back to them. The more people I can affect, the more circles I will be in when the reactionary field reflects back. If I am unable to be, then there must be a manifesting producing for which the energy connected to me comes...ie money as money is manifested energy. Now it may sound like I am overly fascinated by money, well, I am, no buts; but, actually I am only fascinated because I see it as a direct parallel reflection of our energy. If I didn't make a metaphysical conection to it, it wouldn't have the attention I give it. I would be up on a mountain in a monastary with an orange robe on, where I had no interaction with the outside material thinking. Action is required by me to instigate the intial process. If I continue to act, and interact with the reactionary field's responses, then an accumulative effect occurs. This is abundance. What happens in a place where money is not used? Perhaps there an increase in personal metaphysical power, or energy intensity or tempo. The most fundamental part of this idea is about what I do when when I am in action, or intention. It is to do with what my intention is. If my intention is to make someone feel good about themselves, or to be a certain energy (feeling) then I have indeed begun a productive process. So, how can I do that? The answer to this is what will give my life meaning. How can I use what I have now, to be able to do this, enables me to get started. My next post will have a list of all the ways I can think of as to how to act with what you have, in such a way as to have a meaningful affect on others, such that their reactionary field will reflect their positive feeling, and give them a boost in the right direction. A lot like "Pay It Forward" movie. (kudos to the makers of that movie, and everyone who has watched it, and to everyone who has acted in someway in line with the concept of it.