In the end I am back at the beginning

I am indeed a perfect entity, that is tainted only by me creating a sense of separateness from the whole. This separateness is founded with an illusion of self, using an "alternative perspective otherwise called the ego. The purpose of the ego is it creates a different perspective. Now by theory i should only be able to hold one perspective...the I that I am. But through an ego, I am able to effectively create an imitation perspective, thus giving me the capacity to view things from a different point of view. The only issue is that that point is always less than perfect. The ego starts off in it's infant state, as a complete ratbag. Moody, impatient, rude, bad tempered, greedy, dishonest, lustful etc. The full package of the seven deadly sins, with an untamed emotional machine. Deep down inside is the conection to self, and so there is a feeling that there is more to life than what I am experiencing, and so a natural journey of discovery and self development begins. This process is the control and removal of the ego perspective, which will leave me back to being my true self. The Ego always wants. So to remove it completely I have to stop wanting. The ego is never perfect and never acknowledges perfection, as it is unable to reach perfection, this can only be done on it's death. (the removal/death of the Ego, means only my perfect true self is left). When I decided I was average...insignificant in my own world, this was my ego first emerging? I wanted to be special...this is ego. The ego begins life by rejecting it's connection to anything else particularly where it is the hand or foot of an organisation such as a family/culture/religion. Children reject being their father's/Mother's son/daughter because the ego wants to establish it'self as it's own entity as soon as it can. Once it establishes itself, it goes into competition mode as it seeks to make itself feel more and more special. It becomes greedy, because the more it has the bigger the difference between it and other ego's, thereby the more special it feels. The more the ego becomes established, the more lonely the soul becomes. Depression is the sense of connection one has to their true nature and their perceived and expected images of self, that they feel they should be currently experiencing in view of what they are actually experiencing. This creates very strong negative energy. What is the solution here. I feel that the closer my new reality gets the less attractive my current reality is, and the more I reject it. My intention is strong. It is interupted by new potential in my current reality which is difficult to ignore while "life still goes on". Yet pursuing that potential may prevent me from making that jump into my next reality. The negative energy may well be from the fact that I am pursuing that potential instead of staying focused, as this is the opposite to my true reality. So here in lies my dilemma. I have responsibilities still going on in my current environment, that are taxing of time and money, gaining little in the way of appreciation from me, and in turn producing little in the way of energy return. I have new potential to explore which is requiring a whole lot of work from me and time, and money but which doesn't fit into and is taking away attracting time for my new reality. I want to focus on my new reality. I want it to manifest now. Then I can simply walk away from my current reality. This would be the easiest thing of all. So what separates me from all of the other people who want to win lotto? Every other person who buys a ticket believes they are worthy; they will win this week; that they are special; that it is their destiny to win. There are so many who are using intention, who are visualizing themselves in that new reality. Is winning truly destined? Or is it attracted? If it is destiny, it is like death, nothing to do but wait for it. If it is attracted then is the energy that is generated put into the context, and it simply becomes a case of how much energy is in the context based on how intense and how often you appreciate or do whatever you are supposed to do, that will determine when the content is complete enough to manifest. This would be to say that most people would then in their lifetime win lotto, if they focused on it often enough. So this doesn't make sense. Are the winners doing something different from everyone else? Lets start back at the beginning again. Do I accept myself as I am without adding anything to me? If this is yes, then I do not need to add anything including a lotto win. I am perfect as I am. If I am perfect, then I will let go of everything that belongs to the ego, and everything that the ego desires. This is all desire. This will feel like I am left with nothing. But I will be left with myself. If you can understand that all of these things, make you feel less than perfect. You may decide that when you get your new car, or new house, or new ph, etc that you are whole once again. That you are somehow complete, but this illusion only lasts for a short time, and you once again find yourself feeling a sense of emptiness. You perceive that if you had the wealth of the major lotto wins, you would be able to continuously replace the old images of how you see yourself with new ones, which is true you can, but the fact remains you cannot quench that sense of emptiness. The reason, is that your image of yourself is always through the ego perspective. So no matter what you do, no matter how wealthy you are your image is never a true sense of self. Because it is always you plus the image that makes you whole, rather than you are whole, and the image is an experience. This is an important distinction, and how you comprehend the nature of this idea is the key to true happiness. You see in the beginning there is you, the soul, and you express yourself as love. You have no intention other than expressing yourself (as love). This love is enacted by Universal energy which is "reactionary" energy. That means as you do so it does. So it behaves like a mirror in effect, and enables you to experience images of yourself. What has hapened along the pathway somewhere, is that we have chosen to have a different perspective of ourselves. This different perspective means we have taken up a vessel such as a physical body. With this body comes a mind to enable the body to function on auto pilot, to free us to experience ourselves all of the time. The computer system of the body is designed to learn so it can adapt to any environment it is put in, and that it can protect the body. This learning has evolved over millions of years of evolution, to the point where the computer of the body has effectively taken on it's own identity. One entity works with another entity to help it learn, and so personalities are created in order to distinguish one from the other. This personality falls into two camps as far as I can tell to date. The dove or eagle. Due to the fact that this amazing entity is housed within the body which is capable of creating images of it'self, the personality sees this and wants to be able to copy. It is unable to do so- that is, it is unable to have any effect on the reactionary energy field that the sould interacts with. This makes the personality feel insignificant in what it sees as it's own world. This feeling of insignificance results in the personality wanting to feel special/significant. This need to feel special or significant is the begining of the ego. The eagle personality creates a sense of importance through competition which is usually with doves. It wants the better house, the faster car, the higher income, the better job/conditions, the better mate, the better business etc. If another eagle impinges on their territory they will fight if they can win, or move away. (most of the time they will avoid competition unless they can win, otherwise they will move to another environment where they can win such as exclusively among doves). The dove personality creates a sense of feeling special by doing things for others so that others look upon them as "good people" and exalt them in some way. Most of the time the doves do things for eagles. The eagles are happy to give praise, although they do so sparringly, which adds to the value of it when they actually do do it. So you end up with an environmental co habitat, where the personalities create a sense of importance amongst themselves. Like Yin and Yang balancing each other. The issue is, that the ego doesn't feel whole without the image or itself, or the activity of praise for example, and so it sets out to create teh image or do the activities in order to get it's 'fix' so that it can fill that need. Because the Personality doesn't have the same capacity to affect the reactionary universal energy as the soul, it seeks other ways to create, namely it sends the body off to work to earn money ( creative energy) so it can manifest images of itself. What sort of result are we getting in our reactionary field when the soul is not expressing it'self? When the personality is trying to get the soul to express itself for a "purpose" with intention, when in fact the original objective of the soul was to experience it'self. Perhaps we are getting negative images back, to show that in fact we are not the personality. Once we answer the call back to self, and begin the journey back to self discovery, which means a separation of soul from personality, the reflection will guide us, and intuition will guide us back to the beginning, back to who we are. Everything that belongs to the ego will get stripped away because that helps to make you turn inward, and clears the view.