Lost again

Now I am starting to feel like a dick.

I have just taken my $4000, turned it into $6000 in one week, and blown it all in 2 days down to zero. I broke every rule I set, particularly the one about only having one position of $200 in one currency pair at a time. As a result instead of being at $8000 now as I would be, I have nothing. I am gutted. I am going to have one more go. In a couple of weeks I will get another $4000. This will be my last chance. My wife will be away for a month. I will have every night free to be able to trade. I will do so until I have made back everything. I will make $1000 a day, every day 5 days a week for 50 days. From this I will pay off my credit card, which I will do at the end of every week. I will pay off my debt. I will pay all of my bills. $50,000 will enable me to clear everything, and start again fresh.

This is the dream I have.

Now lets have a reality check. I just had the opportunity of a life time and blew it, by not following my plan. I have the opportunity again. It is critical that I do not blow it again.

If I go long for $200, and it goes against me. Every 100 points against me I buy in a fresh 200. I let each one ride for a max of 100 forward. So if I buy at 55c, and it drops to 54c I buy again. If it drops again I buy at 53c. I Will sell at 54c, in case it drops again. I will buy on a redrop at 50 basis points, and so on. Likely to put a trailing stop loss on the rises. If I do this I can sustain a big drop. Objective isn't the dollar value of the currency, only the $ in profit of $1000 a day. If I take a $1000 position, I can make $1000 in 50 points. But I have proven conclusively that this doesn't work in the long run.

My $200 definitely works. This I have proven time and time again also. It seems to me that greed gets in the way. This is my last chance.

Is there anything else I have missed?

I feel I am a bit pre occupied with this. I feel, I am trying to hard to be a financial success. I feel my life could be a whole lot simpler if I wanted it to.

Lets pic forward for a sec to all potentials.

It is Dec 2009.

The cafe is fully staffed and managed. It is now turning over a several million a year, generating me a personal return of $1,000,000 cash without having to step foot in the place.

I have a buyer for the cafe, who is signing in a few days for $3 million.

I have won lotto powerball twice this year, once at $10 million, and once at $20 million.

I have won big wed twice. Once at $10 million with all the prizes, and once at $5 million plus all the prizes. My trading is generating $1 million p.a without risk. My shares generate me a current wealth increase of $1 million per annum. We have just built the perfect home with the lastest security and luxury features. We have a current combined wealth portfolio of $100 million.

I do not feel anything...this just feels empty.

I am missing the point.

How is the rest of my life?