The mysteries of change

We are on the verge of a great change. There is an opportunity on the table of going to coach in Dubai. There is little advantage I can see other than the money would be great, and you are living in a luxury environment. However, to be honest, I would rather stay in NZ, or go an live in a Buddist Monastry to further develop my metaphysics.

On the other hand there is nothing to lose by seeing where the opportunity takes us. We are going nowhere here. The academy feels like it could work, but then so did everything I have ever done, and this doesn't feel like it has a good ending to it.

If the money was really good, then perhaps we can do for 5 or 6 years, and never have to work again ever. There is nothing stopping me from coming back here and doing the academy in 5-6 years anyway, if I really wanted to.

Ji sees more of the challenge in the task where as for me there is no task I desire to do, so I just see the money. This then is my lesson. To find the task I wish to do. Previously I had wanted to discover my true creative energy, so I would have god like powers, like Dr Manhattan. But then I feel that I was supposed to not pursue that power, because that was egotistical, and the release of the ego was critical to the attainment of the goal.

So here I am now, and I am not entirely sure what I should do?

Do I continue to pursue the academy, knowing it may come to nothing.

Do I begin to shut everything down, including my coaching company, etc,

So I guess I need a bit of direction.

What would be ideal?

Would it be ideal for me if Ji went to Dubai, and I went to visit her for once a year? I stayed and kept the cafe going for one more year, but improve it again? Or I stay and focus on building the academy up, so that by the time she arrives back, she will have a job here, and can enjoy the lifestyle she wants? Or I go with her, and get a job there, that is still the same as here, but of course I am coaching say a junior squad or setting up junior academy, but am on the US$120,000 even if Ji is on more. And all of our expenses are taken care of so we don't have any. We get a day off a week, and Ji obviously travels to where she needs to go to take the players to the tournaments.

Hmmm. I think the obvious thing about the academy is the lack of passion I have for it. I think this is the same for all things. I simply lack passion for anything. I seem to be like Dr Manhattan devoid of passion.

This must be within my control surely. Otherwise I am just waiting to die. This seems a silly waste of potential.

Update on Dubai. This fri the owner is coming. I will do my presentation within the next week. I am now in line for the top job. That of being responsible for making him the money. Now I believe that the money can be unlimited. There is no reason why I can not make more than a million a year. My presentation is good, but I can do better so it is a case of more research and more detail to put forward the best possible case.

Then I will have to deliver.