I recently registered my interest to enter into a competition along with thousands of others, in which the contestants will compete to see who can last the longest with both hands flat on a car. Winner will get the car. Competition rules leave lots of back doors for the organizers to remove participants for various reasons, and if more than one is left after 3 full days, after numerous bribes to get you to take your hands off the car, then they will go into a lucky draw to win it. Today the pick the entrants. I was asked why I want to do it, so...here I am to answer. It seems to me that it is the instinct to battle, because I seem to see this as the same as poker, and any of the other games. I only like to do it if I am going to win. I have no desire to do the car competition and put my body through 3 days of hell, only to be put into a lucky draw and end up with nothing. Equally I don't like to play badminton, or poker or anything else and end up with a lose situation. So, what then is the answer. Why do I battle? What if everything was already decided, that any battle is already won or lost before it was started, so only the perception of chance is kept. This is an illusion. So what is the goal? Is it to lift myself above the idea of battling, to feel a sense of success? If I didn't seek success through battle, how would I measure my success? Is working for a living, and trying to survive also a battle against the system. Trying to make it against great odds, taking a lifetime to save enough to accumulate the basic needs. Success is doing it sooner than later. Success is doing it better than anyone else that you know. I would have to say it seems this realm is the realm of battle.
I asked my self the other day, if I was to exit tomorrow, what would I have achieved this journey? Have I done anything truly significant at a metaphysically level? If the answer is no, which it is, then what am I waiting for? Now is a good time!!!! Nothing like the present. So if not for battle what is it about? Lets see if I can figure out what is gained by battle. It is a sense of worth. I determine my worth by my statue after battle. This has been going on for millions of years. Religion, woman, land, status are just some of the reasons used to instigate battle. It seems there are two tiers of battlers. Those that instigate, and the followers, reluctant or not. The instigators are those that determine their worth by their success in battle to achieve a win. The followers determine their self worth by adhering to a heirachial system whereby the others around them, and above them determine their worth. The instigators are at the top of the heirachy, so battle against other instigators for a separate prize is what they seek. The followers only want to be told they are doing well, and to given the opportunity to move forward to a point in front of them. Be it their next goal, their next rank, their next achievement.
Success of the instigator means success for them also. They thrive on a patriotism, on a sense of belonging to something, and being a part of a team. So where am I at, and what is beyond being an instigator? Am I there yet? In the beginning I was definitely a follower. Now I am reaching a point where I am looking to have others do my bidding. I am an ideas man. I seek others to fulfill those ideas to fruition. What is beyond even this. I do not expect to gain recognition for my ideas. But I feel more successful if I did. So what to do from here? This is about understanding myself and my motivation going forward from here. Why I am chasing this or that. ie Chasing Dubai opportunity? Money? Why am I chasing Lotto win? Money? The suzuki car? It is money. The cafe was money. What is the attraction of Money? Power to create what I want. Here we are back at the same point we have been at for years. I love puzzles, but this is a toughy. Money is the goal of followers. It is not the goal of instigators. Is this true? Money as the symbol of creative freedom? Does money have different meanings to followers than it does to instigators? Followers seek to become the instigators of their own destiny rather than than to stay in the rat race of following another person's dream. But they fail because even when they get the money, their behaviour doesn't change, so they are unable to control their power. So the goal of an instigator is the object of the battle. The goal of the follower is to become an instigator. What other job discriptions are available for me to apply for? To create without being in battle is to create something. To create in battle is to still be pursuing something therefore all that I do is a means to an end, and it is lost. So followers and instigators have this in common. All of their actions are a means to an end. Therefore to live outside this realm of this type of existance, my actions and thoughts must reside with the experience I am having, not that which I wish to have. This ties in with appreciation. I consider that the games I play give me an escape from my current reality as a follower, and for a short time enable me to become the instigator. They enable me to be a successful instigator or to erase and start again with little consequence and have another go. So interesting enough is the idea that I am still actually a follower.
I believe I had myself under the illusion that I was infact an instigator by nature. So. What would make me an instigator? Have I been a follower simply because I have been sitting on my arse waiting for things to happen. An instigator by nature doesn' t wait, he goes out and gets. What is it that I go out and get? What is it that I want. Most of my wants have revolved around a means to an end. I put all of my wants on hold until I get the money. I don't actively say I want children, because I feel I need to be in a better position financially first. I don't say I want a house because I don't have the money to buy one. And so on. I have not said I definitely want the dubai job, I have just said it would be great. But actually my academy would be better. To be an instigator, I need to make decisions. To be a follower I don't need to make any decisions, just follow the decisions made by other instigators. So what do I want to experience? Well this is an interesting question. If I won lotto, what experiences would I choose to have? Would I go to Dubai? No. Would I do the academy? No. At least not initially. And when I did do it, I would be doing it for the thrill of doing it, not for the money. Would I buy a home? Yes, virtually straight away. I would initially buy one in Auckland. I would go travelling for a year. Enjoying following spring and summer around the world, and going to various events that are on. Then I would settle down in NZ. What does settling down mean? Well, back to having kids I guess. But this is another story. The fact is, that there just aren't that many goals I have...from a strategic point of view, that have any passion behind them. I am not an instigator, nor am I a follower. What about being a follower of God? But metaphysics seems to imply that this is an illusion, and that the goal is to to be a god myself. What does that entail? Making decisions. Managing people for the betterment of themselves. I made mention before I was interested in being a life manager. Perhaps then I should be looking at practising on myself. Keeping things simple would be a great place to start. I think that is what children are for....to practise being a life manager. If I dont know what I desire to do, then I will automatically end up following the decisions of those around me, defaulting into being a follower. I think desire is actually a natural pathway. I think I stifle it, by bring in blockages, and limitations, and also I have significantly reduced my desire for anything in the process of becoming more metaphysical focused on reducing artificial value of something. Is it about setting goals, and sticking to them. Not waivering, not setting any middle management barriers or means to an end. So not focusing on Money/winning Lotto, but on the home itself.
It seems I am actually a follower who plans on being an instigator, rather than is an instigator. I plan on what I will do with my day, week, month, year. Sometimes I even do it, as long as it is within my reach. But you wont see me doing the strategic changes that would be made by an instigator. I will come close to finishing a project, but then I will change my focus just before it is completed, and go off and do something else.
I think there is a need for a strategic view on my life, no what do I want to achieve, for wanting and planning is the domain of followers, but rather what am I going to do for sure, and start it now. Then I will be an instigator. To a degree I have been avoiding doing anything or having any wants as they all seemed false, and empty, but this is preparing me so I can see now the content of what I do is irrelevant. The action is important now.
