The commitment test

It occurred to me today that I seriously lack commitment to my programme. I came away from today feeling a great sense of cowardly weakness, and a true lack of commitment to my own cause...that of achieving my own life goals. Yes, yes, it is bad grammar to use the same word twice, but I am sure this whole article is going to thrash this word out thoroughly.

The greatest sources of commitment seem to be failures, serious disappointments particularly directed at you from someone else, and loss. This can be loss of health, loss of wealth, loss of opportunities or anything of such a value that the loss of which cannot be simply ignored, for this is it's very job. The interesting thing is I have got to the stage where I have detached myself from the physical realm....but this has created a interesting predicament. It is like, I have awoken within the Matrix but, I have not aligned myself to a direction on the other side of the current illusion. This has had the effect of me being not yet connected well enough to my true nature. I have become acutely aware that I am in a body that is being used by a hang of a lot more entities other than myself. It is like I have woken up...realising I am on a wild horse that is rampantly galloping where ever it pleases, without any direction...purely living in the moment. Now normally I would have said this is ideal...however the idea of living in the moment, is to be aware of the many individual moments that are aligned to the greater purpose of life. The type of living in the moment I have been doing is more of stepping aside and allowing my body to be used by other entities, simply because I don't have control of it myself. I am not taking charge. To do this, I need to have a higher cause - something worthy of effort. Otherwise I can just go on being a bum and not care if I eat for the sake of eating (cause someone or something else wants the experience).