Breaking through the shell

I have been like a new born Chicken trying to break out of it's shell into it's new environment and new reality. I have had a few pecks at the shell, seen a bit of daylight, marvelled, and then sat back down to a leisurely afternoon nap followed by a feed, then another nap, a stroll around my shell, and the appearance of trying to grow up into a chicken by paying tribute to the hole I have started with a daily tap or two, deep down underneath secretly hoping someone is going to break the shell from the other side. I sit there happy inside my secret super hero fantasy, pretending to be someone great, someone respected and looked at with admiration, yet I only bring no credence through action that would meet any metaphysical standards of integrity. I am riddled with self destructive tenancies, and habits that I have allowed to rule over my current potential and result in what has been occurring...slow to no progress but for the efforts of others.

This has to stop.

I have to find something so powerful, that I can plug into it, and it will be my source of will.

I did it once before by feeling a master was here waiting for me to awaken. Now it needs to be stronger. I need to see and feel the countless generations that are relying on me to come through with this success story. To become a success, that new horizons can be carved out for future generations. I need to feel I am the trunk of the tree, not a solitary insignificant twig, who will hardly be noticed if I am there or not, which is how I manage my life currently. I make believe, in a significant way through a make believe illusion that my actions and inaction has little significance either way on the outcome of the universal journey of life that is unfolding.

But it will not unfold without me. This is the initiation of not just my future, but the very future of the universe and all that is in it. That part of the heirachy that controls this part of life energy, watch with baited breath, unable to move forward, the whole universe on hold until I get it together.