Micro managing the universe

I had the most amazing discovery today. One of those days where you are like a kid, thinking you are the only person in the world to have discovered what you learnt. I also had an enlightening delivery of comprehension expansion, as to just how exact my physical world is as a mirror to my metaphysical reality, therefore it is the perfect class room. My discovery revolved around the idea that I was actually micro managing my creative Universe. I was doing this because I had was living my life predominantly through the ego/personality. Based on the fact that my personality/ego has no creative ability, and no influence on the universe which is responsive only to soul, and energy, it was therefore trying to do the universe's job of creating. I was. I will take responsibility for this, for I am the one who experiences through my personality, and allows it to dominate my experiences. I have been wondering why I have been unable to be successful again at my trading. Last night I lost another pile of money, which I had used two credit cards to load. I then did it again, thinking I had no room left on my cards, which now amount to about $28,000. I have a personal loan of $25,000 and personal debts of about $6000. To top all this off I so badly want to be able to provide or at the least contribute towards a home for my beautiful wife. I had been trying so hard to make money through as many different ways as I could including metaphysically through appreciation, and attracting it. The issue is that I would take that money and then try and make more with it. The fastest way to make money is currency trading. It is an incredibly exhilerating experience, when you are successful, and it is the worst feelings you can experience, when you totally believed that the Universe was on your side, and then suddenly you are completely wiped out with no hope for success in the forseeable future. It is a very lonely feeling. Well, with all that off my chest, now I believe I have a new pathway before me. It is about letting my life manager do their job....take care of things. That includes getting everything i desire from soul. I cannot have it both ways, I will be able to serve one master I believe is the saying...but I have this as a proposal...there are two entities that have the opportunity to manage the life that I experience through. One is the mind of the vessel, the other is my life manager with imput from me in the way of requests. The personality manages by being autonomous and seeking complete control. Most of the ego's requests revolve around the most important thing it lacks....control over it's environment so that it can create for itself anything it wants whenever it it wants. The other is of course my most trusted friend...my life manager. He sits awaiting for me to give him instructions, but due to me living most of my existance through the eyes of the ego, I barely even give him a glance let alone instructions of what I desire. In spite of this he works tirelessly in the background still managing my affairs towards whatever goals I do make. The most important goal I have ever made, was a desire to understand the creative process. This has therefore occupied most of my life manager's time as all other goals went through the ego, and therefore bypass him. Due to my focus being on this on a daily basis, I am getting more and more aware of my life manager's handiwork. This results in a greater level of appreciation as I can see who to direct it to. Onward to tomorrow, the great letter box of the universe where my life manager the postman is on his way with my souls desires.